We will here explore the tunnel of the four warnings and see how we can experience the four warnings and what we can do to break the journey into the tunnel.
The four warnings are:
They are in at that sequence on purpose because that is the order they tend to show up in. If you want to avoid losing the feelings and love in the relationship, and you want to keep the passion alive, you need to watch out for these four warning signs. So let’s explore each of the warnings in more detail.
Resistance Warning 1:
Resistance In any normal relationship between two people, there will be some level of resistance between them. Resistance occurs when you start to resist something that your partner is, does or feels. With your inner voice you start to criticize them and it is possible that you start to resist something that your partner says, does or feels. With your inner voice you start to criticize them and it is possible that you notice how you emotionally move away a little from your partner. One example is that you are at a party with your partner and she begins to tell the same story that she always tells at parties. A story you’ve heard many times before. This time you will notice that you begin to feel resistance against her and a feeling appears that goes something like: “Oh no, here she goes telling her story again.” Another example is that your husband reminds you to pay a bill and you notice how for a brief moment you shut yourself off towards him.
Warning 2: Resentment
This is a more active part of the tunnel than the resistance is. There is an intense disapproval and placing of guilt towards what your partner does. Your partner has now really begun to annoy you. You notice how little things make you get angry, how you over-react to things that do not really make much difference. Accumulated resistance begins to bubble inside of in the form of resentment. If we continue the example with my partner who tells her story and I repeatedly fail to communicate my opposition to it, there will come a day when I no longer feel resistance to history, but now it awakens strong resentment in me. I may be thinking or feeling: “I hate it when she tells that story which makes her so ridiculous like that.”
The consequences of resentment
Together with resentment often comes internal experiences of anger and tension. You start to emotionally distance yourself even further from your partner. Characteristics of the warning signs are feelings of anger, frustration, irritation, sharp comments and hatred.
If you continue to sweep unexpressed feelings under the carpet and do not communicate your anger in a good way to your partner – the into the darkness of the tunnel increases. The passion becomes more distant, as do the beautiful emotions between you and the third warning sign, the rejection, is now approaching fast.
Learn more about the other Warning Signs. You need to visit Relationship School!